


To Love Again

by xxambreignsxx



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Dean can't let the past go, Hints of abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of rough sex, Roman can't let Dean go, Roman is a saint, Self Destructive attitude, Seth is as much of a heel behind the scenes as he was on-screen post Shield, Thick Angst, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, happy endings, mentions of heavy drinking, post Seth betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 00:39:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11280135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxambreignsxx/pseuds/xxambreignsxx
Summary: Dean can't stop self destructing. Roman can't stop loving him.





	To Love Again

_"You need to come get Dean."_

The text he received in the middle of night had quickly wiped away the sleep out of his eyes. His heart hammered in his chest as he looked at the number that had become a bitter memory for him. Mixed emotions clouded his mind as he took in the content of the message. His finger pressed the dial button as he waited for the call to be picked up.

"What the fuck did you do to him? Where is he?"

The words were out of his mouth as soon as he heard Seth's voice on the other hand.

"Calm down big Dog. You gotta keep your puppy on a leash if you are that bothered by him straying." Seth's tone was annoyed and flat. It only pissed Roman further off.

"Fuck you. I asked you why the fuck is he with you?"

"Why don't you ask him that? He came here to me all wasted and crying like a little bitch. He's out cold right now. He ain't my mess and I am not gonna clean it up."

"I swear to god Seth if you even touched him wrong..."

"I haven't done anything to him he didn't want me to." Seth's voice was smug and Roman's eyes narrowed, "I'll fucking kill you Seth. How dare you to..."

"Listen Roman, spare me with these threats, okay. He came to me and begged me to fuck him. I am a man and I wasn't gonna turn down a good fuck. You know he's a good fuck right? I refuse to believe he doesn't spread his ass for you too he's so fucking needy. I only did to him what he wanted me to do. I am leaving. I just thought I would give you the heads up if he doesn't show up to tomorrow's show. He is a mess. _Was_ actually even before I fucked him."

"What the fuck happened to you Seth? How can you be THIS cruel?" Roman was astonished. Anger clouding all of his senses. Anger at Dean. Anger at Seth. Anger at himself for not being able to stop Dean from self destructing.

"Nothing. Nothing happened to me Roman. I moved on and you need to tell Dean to move on too. If he wants me to fuck him, I'll fuck him. But he's nothing more than a dick warmer for me. I got better things to do now. I'll text you my room number." And with that, Seth ended the call. Leaving Roman almost in tears. He still couldn't believe it was the same guy he used to call a brother not too long ago. Even though he was mad as fuck at Dean, he couldn't be too mad when he himself wasn't able to let go of Seth fully. And Seth was only a friend, a brother to him. To Dean, Seth was everything.

* * *

For months Roman was fighting a losing battle. He didn't know when his heart got involved with Dean. Dean was his brother. His best friend. And maybe it was seeing Dean so broken and hurt after Seth's betrayal that made Roman's heart ache for him in a way it never did before. But whatever it was, Roman could no longer deny that he wanted to wipe away all of the scars and tears Dean's whole being got accustomed to. He wanted Dean to be able to love again. To trust again. Dean trusted Roman, but he refused to let Roman become what Seth was to him at one point no matter how hard Roman tried. It was frustrating and it was slowly breaking Roman too. He told himself he would take care of Dean if nothing more, as a brother. A friend. No matter what, he wasn't gonna give up on Dean.

So he found himself in front of the room Seth texted him the number of. He tried the door and it was open. When Roman entered though, he found the bed empty. But he spotted Dean's clothes in the corner of the room and the water was running in the bathroom.

The sight that met him shattered his heart when he entered the bathroom. Dean was sitting in the tub, knees pulled up to his chest. He was naked and covered in bruises.

"Dean..." He breathed out.

Red rimmed wet eyes met his as Dean looked up from where his face was buried in his knees. When he met Roman's pained gaze, he looked away. Guilt and shame riding his features.

"How..."

"He called me. Said you weren't his mess to clean." Roman saw Dean's eyes shed some more tears and he let out a humorless laugh, "I ain't your mess to deal with either Ro. Go...You don't need to be here."

"That's not your decision to make now is it?" Roman said as calmly as possible as he made his way towards Dean and turned the shower off. He crouched down so he was on eyes level with him. He reached out and touched Dean's jaw, bringing his eyes to meet his.

"Why? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" More tears and a chocked sob as Dean's broken voice filled the air. "Because that's the only thing that makes me feel anything."

"I'll kill him." 

Dean shook his head, "'s not his fault. He only hurts me because I want him to. He treats me like trash because that's all I really am."

"Please Dean...For fuck sake..."

"Its true Ro. Or else he would have never left me."

"Why is my love not enough Dean? Why can't you let _ME_  love you?" Roman had to ask. His voice was frustrated and filled with anguish. He was fucking sick and tired of Seth and the scars he left on Dean's mental and emotional health.

"Because the last time I let someone love me, they broke me. Somehow loving me make them run away from me. I made him leave. I can't have you leaving me too." And Roman's heart clenched as tears rolled down his eyes too. He leaned forward and hugged his best friend, kissing his forehead as he murmured out, "I'll never leave you."

Dean sobbed and held onto Roman desperately, "He said the same thing."

"I am not him Dean. I am not him." Roman looked into Dean's eyes and with as much sincerity as he could muster, he conveyed his emotions. Dean shuddered and smiled a little which made Roman's heart flutter. "Yeah, you are not him."

"That's my boy." Roman smiled back and planted another kiss on Dean's forehead.

He got Dean out of the tub and helped him clean up. He placed Dean on the counter top as he got the first aid box out of the cabinet. Wanting to tend to his bruises. Seth went really rough on Dean and it was evident by the colorful bruises on his body which only made Roman's anger rise. But first, he had to take care of Dean. Like always. 

As he got the ointment out and started rubbing it into a dark purple hickey near Dean's hip, Dean smiled. Roman gave him a questioning look as he kept applying the soothing cream on Dean's wounds.

"'s nothing. Just...You do know I don't need this. I have been dealing with pain and bruises my whole life. Some sex bites aren't gonna ruin me."

Roman smiled a bit at that. "I know that. I know how tough you are. I just like taking care of you. Showing you pain isn't the only thing you can have. Only if you let good things come to you."

Dean looked down into his lap as his lip trembled a little. "I am just so scared Ro..."

Roman sighed sadly, "I know Dean. I know. But I love you. Just like you can't stop letting him hurt you, I can't stop myself from letting that hurt me."

Words so loaded with unsaid emotions and agony...Dean's face fell. Roman quickly changed his face expressions. Letting a small smile break onto his face as he petted Dean's cheek, "Here. All patched up. Come on now. Gonna take you back to my room so you can rest."

Dean didn't argue. Roman's words leaving a heavy weight on his heart and conscience.

 

* * *

 

Since Seth left, Dean was lost. He didn't know what to believe in anymore. Who to believe in anymore. The only constant in his life was Roman. And deep down inside, he was counting out to days when Roman would up and leave too. He deliberately did shit to get Roman to leave him. But he wouldn't go. Even last night when Dean yet again went into destructive mode, Roman didn't give up.

Dean hated himself. He was disgusted with himself. He made himself into a whore for Seth and his abusive ways. Because that was the only thing Seth was willing to give him anymore. He was so desperate, so pathetic that he went back to him. Again and again. Because he didn't know how to deal with Seth not wanting him anymore. He was emotionally scarred. He always was, but Seth made him believe in love. Seth and Roman gave him a family, faith in humanity. But then Seth shattered everything and Dean felt himself broken beyond repairs. He tried to hold onto the hope that he still had Roman, but the constant paranoia of him being the reason everyone left made him unable to let Roman's presence soothe him.

Roman said he loved him...Wanted him, but the only thing Dean could think of was that it was pity Roman felt for him that he misunderstood for love. So he kept refusing Roman's love. But last night Roman's words hit him like a storm.

_Just like you can't stop letting him hurt you, I can't stop myself from letting that hurt me._

Dean was so busy being hurt that he refused to acknowledge what he was doing to Roman. How his constant self loathing was destroying Roman too. Because no one knew it better than Dean that you cant help who you love. And no matter how much Dean doubted it, Roman loved him. He proved it time to time again.

Dean hated himself as he realized that what he was doing to Roman was exactly what Seth did to him. And Dean probably deserved it, but Roman...Roman had a heart of gold. He only deserved good things. Dean didn't consider himself to be a good thing, but then again, didn't Roman say last night that it wasn't Dean's decision to make what Roman wanted or not?

Dean looked at Roman's sleeping form on the bed as he sat on the couch. Roman had brought him back to his room and cuddled him all night long. Letting Dean rest on his chest and feel the safety net of his arms that he promised will always be there for Dean to lean into no matter how shattered he was.

Tears rolled down Dean's eyes as realization hit him hard. All this time, he was running back to Seth and hurting himself and Roman just because he refused to let his heart heal. But here Roman was, still by his side.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Dean got up and strode towards Roman. He laid down besides Roman and buried his face in Roman's neck. Sobs hitting him hard as he let all the hurt and agony out.

Roman opened his eyes, confused and glazed with sleep. He found a sobbing Dean on top of him and panic hit him. "Hey...Hey, baby boy...Dean! What's wrong? Tell me, what happened? Are you hurt?"

Dean didn't move and continued crying. Roman grabbed at Dean's head and sat up in the bed, bringing Dean onto his lap as he petted him and tried to calm him down, "Please Dean...You are worrying me, what's wrong?" Dean shook in his arms as he took some deep breaths. His teary eyes met with Roman's confused ones.

"I just...I am so sorry Ro."

"For what?"

"For hurting you the way he hurt me." And it hit Roman. His mind wandering back to their last night's conversation.

He shook his head as he held Dean's face in his hands and wiped his tears, "No...Dean, its not..."

"No....I see it now Ro. I hurt you as much as I was hurting myself. What kind of a friend I am? Here you were offering me a way to find my faith again but I didn't listen. I dunno why you love me, I cannot even believe it still. But I promise you, I won't be taking advantage of that anymore. I...just want you to know that i don't take you for granted. I am fucked up and scarred and you deserve better than me, but if you still want me, I would want that too."

Roman's face expressions turned from confusion to sad to pained to joy in mere seconds as Dean let his heart out. He never wanted Dean to feel obliged to give into his love, but if that was the only way to stop Dean from hurting himself, he wasn't sorry for that.

"Does that mean what I think it means?" Roman looked into those baby blue eyes and found Dean's beautiful face breaking into a genuine smile and a nod. And his heart fluttered and soared with happiness.

"I promise you I'll love you the way you deserve to be loved." And with that, Roman pressed his lips onto Dean's for the first time. And it was as heavenly as he imagined.

* * *

 


End file.
